Good news, Blogger now offers publish-on dates and times. That would make me look a lot more prolific and/or prescient. Well, I don't think it can publish things IN THE PAST so it looks like I knew what would happen months in advance, so prescience will have to wait. Damn.
My friend Brianna, being otherwise a very smart girl, has decided to leave Texas and move back home to LA. This is, of course, the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard until such time as I need a place to stay in Los Angeles, at which point it will become an act of sheer brilliance, unparalleled in these modern times. But we decided to have one last hurrah in Austin before she spirits away to the homeland. This is a true account of Saturday, 3 May. Well, all the parts I can legally publish without being sued.
I was, of course, running super late (I am either 30 minutes early or an hour late to everything. It's one of my more annoying flaws.) and didn't get to Austin till around 4:30, an hour and a half later than I told Brianna and K (her roommate and also my friend and also leaving Texas - what the hell?) to meet me. They were late too, though, so it was all for the best. Eventually, though, I met up with them at Waterloo. And they brought Taylor! Taylor's their friend from Fort Worth, but now he's MY friend too, and I love him and want to keep him on my keychain so that he can be around me all the time, offering witty repartee and mocking strangers.
So we scoured the used records section of Waterloo, debating the finer points of Tony Orlando and Dawn and discovering that there is, indeed, a "Teen Scene" in Fort Worth - three volumes of music worth!
As you can see from these photos Brianna took, we also managed to engineer the DNA splicing of human and 12 in. vinyl, creating the perfect Human-Record mutant. Look for Radiohead to steal this technology in their next album release.
Taylor dresses up.
I bet you didn't know that Lucius Malfoy had released a Greatest Hits album, did you?
After we got tired of annoying the Waterloo staff and patrons, K and Brianna decided to show me and Taylor The Enchanted Forest, which is possibly one of the greatest places in Austin and I never even knew it existed before now! I don't know how I could have lived in that town for so long without discovering the magic that is The Enchanted Forest, but I know now that I will drag everyone I meet there.
The Enchanted Forest is off Oltorf, and from the outside, it looks a bit dodgy - rundown shack and creaky, ominous gate. But we walked inside and it was like a world of wonders had opened up before us. There were so many amazing things to discover!
This is like my own personal alter.
K and I decided to live in this tiny little house. Look, it even comes with a change of clothes.
Of course, not everything can be perfect. I ran into my nemeses, but I cut a wide path around them.
These fowl, being fake, are much more palatable.
On the Coast of Coromandel/Where the early pumpkins grow/In the middle of the woods/Lived the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bo.
The whole place is like this, full of treasures large and small.
I feel like that's an accurate summary of my life: "starts like theatre ends like circus."
Of course it wasn't all fun and games:
Dolls are always creepy. Hanging them by a noose just ups the creep factor.
This jungle gym went to nowhere. Also it was too tall/held together by duct tape, so we didn't try to climb it.
After we left The Enchanted Forest, we stopped at HEB for refreshments of an adult nature. Also, I tried explaining my Brilliant New Plan of reading/reviewing every VC Andrews book and blogging about them to Brianna and K, but I think they're too young to appreciate the kitchy appeal. And/or they just never spent a lot of time reading trashy novels at age 10 like I did.
After that, we went to meet K's cousin Micah and his friends at the doggy park on the lake! It was the perfect way to spend the late afternoon - drinking champers and making new friends, both human and canine, while watching the sun slip down over the hills.
I don't know, but it was RLY FUNNY.
I feel these photos accurately explain Brianna's animated style of talking:
But Micah's friends are confused.
Okay, and then after Micah and his friends left (bye Micah! See you in about 4 hours!), I fulfilled a life-long dream of mine - taking jumping pictures.
It turns out that jumping pictures are REALLY hard to take. You have to hit the shutter quick enough to focus the camera, but late enough to catch the jumping. Most of my pictures turned out like this:
K is a superhero.
But finally, FINALLY, it worked:
MENTOS! The freshmaker!
We were so excited about our success that we RADIATED happiness. Awesome.
After we took on the world of professional jumping, I got some food because I hadn't eaten all day (why do I keep doing that?), and then we drove to Taylor's friend's house. Only Taylor's friend was still out to dinner, so we parked in a church parking lot and talked about life, etc. All of a sudden, a church van comes roaring up to our cars. The driver of the van rolls down his window, and the following encounter ensues:
Me: "Oh . . . hey. Sorry, we can leave, we were just awaiting directions from a friend and we thought we'd park somewhere until he calls us back."
Church Van Driver: "No, it's okay! It's totally okay!"
Me: "Are you sure? Cause we can leave, it's not a big deal."
CVD: "No! It's good! It's great! We're pumped! We've got the spirit tonight!"
Me: "That's . . . great."
CVD: "We've got a van full of teenagers with the spirit!"
At this, the map lights of the van turn on, the doors open and I would not be exaggerating to say that 15 teenagers spilled out on all sides. It was like something out of a horror movie - should I run? Should I bravely stand in front of my friends and face these people down with only my wits and a heavy purse? (To be fair, that purse had my camera and a bottle of Stella in it, so it might have made a good weapon.) Should I start quoting scripture?
Me: "Oh . . . my . . ."
Girl from Van: "Hey, guys! How are you doing tonight? You guys want prayer? You want some prayer?"
Me: "No, but we'll take some conversation?"
And then they just got in the van and left. It was surreal, to say the least. I hasten to add that their church was one of the new-agey, renovated airplane hanger churches. I mistrust those churches, where everyone wants to be your friend and take you bowling. I'm a Methodist. In my mind, church should be full of starched shirts and old women in hats and The Apostles' Creed. These are the things I am comfortable with, not being offered prayer in a deserted parking lot off 51st street, bottles of Stella quickly stashed in the seats of the car. Although I suppose from the youth group's point of view, this is the exact reason I should have been offered prayer.
So, after that, we high-tailed it out of there (after denouncing a certain pyramid scheme which poses as a religion and which I will not mention in public by name as I am afraid they'll sue me/take me to their mother ship) and went to Taylor's friend's house, which was really super nice. I miss nice, affordable living.
Then we drove to pick up Micah from his apartment, and stopped at Starbucks for a much-needed caffeine boost. We all had plans for later in the evening (Brianna and K's included stalking Jack White) and we all needed our energy up for the hours ahead. Ahem.
Here is me and Micah and Taylor! We're so happy with our caffeine!
After we got revved up, we went downtown, where we ran into kids coming out of prom! It is a not-so-secret facet of my personality: I effin' love prom. I mean, not my own, which were sort of lame, but other people's. In fact, one time in college, my friends and I crashed a prom and had a fucking blast. We played only the music we wanted to hear ("You want Toby Keith? Sorry, you're getting Warren G.") and brought flasks and basically did all the things we should have done at our own prom, but didn't because we were busy being studious and well-behaved. It was amazing, and extremely cathartic.
After walking around downtown for a while, we came to a stop at Cedar St courtyard, which was playing an amazing assortment of Divinyls and MJ and Sir Mix-a-Lot. And that's where I had to bid a fond adieu to my new friends and my old ones, because I had plans with someone else for the rest of the night. But although I already miss everyone terribly, I know we'll see each other again soon. In fact, The Most Rubbish Band In The World is going on US tour in November (we think, or maybe we're just spreading that rumor until it comes true) and we already have plans to hijack them. Until then, we'll always have The Enchanted Forest!