You know, I'm always reading about lottery winners who say that they're going to keep their job at the plant or Wal-Mart, even though they're now a gazillionaire, simply because they like working. I would totally not ever say that. I hate working. I mean, don't get me wrong, I believe in being productive or whatever, but I am first and foremost a lazy person, and there's no way I'd work if I didn't have to. I'd much rather spend my time lounging in bed, reading Jane Austen and dreaming of Messers Darcy and Knightly than getting up at six am and fighting traffic to get to work. Also, if I won Mega-Millions, I'd probably be rich enough to afford to pay Colin Firth and Jeremy Northam to come act out their roles in my living room. That would be the best Masterpiece Theatre ever.
But, actually, if I had all the money in the world (or a good chunk of it), I know exactly what I'd do. First I'd quit my job, because as much as I enjoy my new job, it still requires me to get up really early in the morning and make a passable attempt at dressing like someone who didn't find today's clothes shoved under her bed. Also, I don't think flourescent lights are particularly flattering to my complexion. After I quit my job (making sure not to burn my bridges, of course, because despite my deep and abiding affection for math, I have dyscalculia, and it's caused me these sorts of trouble before), I'd donate twenty percent of my winnings to various local charities in and around Texas and the Gulf Coast. I'd do a few standard charities, like the Red Cross, or whatever, but most of them would be really strange, out-there charities, like United Effort To Tip Sonic Workers (cause I always feel guilty that Sonic workers don't make more money. I mean, shouldn't we be rewarding those wonderful people who walk our Route 44 Strawberry Limeades out to the car with cold hard cash? I think so.). Or something.
Oh, also, I'd donate however much money as is necessary to the University of Texas at Austin so that there would be the Erin Curtis School of Anthropology. Take THAT, Red McCombs!
After I'd taken care of my community in the financial sense, I'd start on my family. I'd buy my parents one of those ugly McMansions that my mother seems so fond of, with a shed out back for my dad's ammo-making equipment, and plenty of spare rooms and extra wings so that they can avoid each other when they're having one of their fights about what brand of cat food to purchase. I'd set my brother up with a V. SMALL trust fund so as to pay for the rest of his education, and maybe I'd buy him a car or something, but that would be it, because my brother would totally become a trust fund kid, doing lines of blow off LiLo's back. And of course I'd set up a trust fund for m'elle, but with the rules that it couldn't be accessible for anything other than education costs until she turns 35. Cause obvs I want her to have a good head on her shoulders and this would also ensure that she had several post-graduate degrees. I might also buy her a pony.
Then I'd buy several houses in several locations throughout the world, both for the good investments and because they'd be good places to crash when I get the urge to travel. I would buy a private jet so that I don't have to be crammed into coach class on long flights, but then I run the risk of being That Person With The Jet In Her Backyard, like John Travolta. No, thanks. Plus, I'll be a gazillionaire, so I can afford to fly first-class. And I'd fill up all my houses with things I see in catalogs, because I am a White Person, and white people love catalogs.
After I've done all that (and had a shopping spree at H&M. Can you imagine how much clothes you could buy with three thousand dollars at H&M? You could buy out the store!), I'd get to work on actually doing some work. Most notably, I'd implement my dream of owning a bookstore that's actually just a converted house in the Village (um, Rice. Not New York.), where every room was decorated just like a home and held a different genre of books. This would soothe both my love of reading and my obsessive-compulsive need to have everything in my life assigned to a certain place. And I'd serve wine and whiskey in the evenings, so that people could curl up in a cozy armchair by the fire (let's pretend I'd have donated enough money to the global warming-reversal effort as to make it actually cold in Texas) and spend a few hours living in someone else's world. Plus, I'd have tons of book clubs, because I love the idea of book clubs, but have never had the courage to actually join one.
And then, with the five bucks I'd have left over, I'd buy myself a sandwich.
Today's Friday, and we could all use a little escape before the weekend officially begins, so tell me: what would you do if an enormous pile of money fell in your lap? And, subquestion: would you buy me a sandwich?